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The Caffeinated Quotes Compendium


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Never Underestimate the Importance of Being Properly Caffeinated.

— Unknown

Good Coffee – Cheaper than Prozac!

— Unknown

It’s not procrastinating if you’re drinking coffee, it’s “procaffinating.”

— Unknown

Procaffinating: To delay or postpone action; put off doing something until you’ve had coffee.

— Unknown

New Rule: Gun control people have to stop pressuring Starbucks to ban guns. I want my gun nuts over-caffeinated, twitchy, and accident-prone. That way, the problem will take care of itself. Plus, if just one gun nut kills just one pseudo-intellectual writing a screenplay-slash-graphic-novel on his iPad, natural selection is doing its job.

— Bill Maher

It’s all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle.

— Brad Garrett

Coffee is a way of stealing time which should by rights belong to your older self.

— Terry Pratchett

No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.

— Sheik Abd-al-Kabir

People say money can’t buy happiness. They Lie. Money buys Coffee, Coffee makes Me Happy!

— Unknown

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hairless cat, it exists, but that doesn’t make it right.

— Unknown

Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.

— Jonathan Swift, 1722

I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.

— Terri Guillemets

Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.

— Unknown

My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.

— Unknown

Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.

— Unknown

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

— Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Drinking beer in a coffee mug. I feel like I am cheating on my coffee.

— Unknown

We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. Trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

— Unknown

Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.

— Terri Guillemets

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.

— Unknown

Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

— Unknown

I don’t know what I’d do without coffee. I’m guessing 25 to life.

— Unknown

7 days without coffee makes one WEAK.

— Unknown

Caffeine — It maintains my sunny personality.

— Unknown

The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.

— Sir James MacKintosh

I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. “This was a five-espresso algorithm.”

— Unknown

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

— Paul Erdos

Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.

— Jessi Lane Adams

Decaf? No, it’s dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream.

— Unknown

Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.

— Unknown

Did I run out of caffeine or are you really that boring?

— Unknown

If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all.

— David Letterman

Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee!

— David Letterman

Coffee which makes the politician wise, and see through all things with his half-shut eyes.

— Alexander Pope

I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.

— Pemberley by the Sea, Abigail Reynolds

I like my coffee strong and my women weak.

— Alexander Pappas

Coffee. Creative lighter fluid.

— Floyd Maxwell

A morning without coffee is like sleep.

— Unknown

Every morning I long to hold you…I need you, I want you, I have to have you…your warmth, your smell, your taste…ohhh coffee, I love you.

— Unknown

Drink coffee! Do Stupid Things Faster with More Energy.

— Unknown

Coffee! Is the planet shaking or is just me?

— Unknown

How far behind would technology be, if no one ever discovered coffee?

— Unknown

I’m a romantic. I like cold Coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady.

— Jarod Kintz

Coffee = a hug in a mug.

— Unknown

Even bad coffee is better… than no Coffee at all.

— David Lynch

Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better.

— Justina Headley, North of Beautiful

I like instant gratification. It’s like instant Coffee, only it won’t keep you up all night.

— Jarod Kintz

What do you want?… Just Coffee. Black – like my soul.

— Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.

— Napoleon Bonaparte

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

— Ronald Reagan

Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

— Bill Gates

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

class=”author”> — Bill Cosby

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

— Abraham Lincoln

A cup of gourmet coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.

— Unknown

Adventure in life is good. Consistency in coffee even better.

— Justina Headley

A morning without coffee is like sleep.

— Unknown

Life’s too short to drink cheap coffee.

— Unknown

Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.

— Unknown

The road to success is paved in coffee.

— Unknown

This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning.

— Unknown

I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.

— John Van Druten

There is no live without water. Because water is needed to make coffee.

— Unknown

To drink is human. To drink coffee is divine.

— Unknown

Given enough coffee I could rule the world.

— Unknown

A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.

— Unknown

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

— Unknown

Drink Coffee. Do stupid things even faster with more energy.

— Unknown

Caffeine-The other Vitamin C.

— Unknown

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

— T. S. Eliot

Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.

— Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

You can tell when you have crossed the frontier into Germany because of the badness of the coffee.

— Edward VII

Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.

— Unknown

Caffeine isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin.

— Unknown

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

— Alphonse Allais

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

— Unknown

Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.

— Bob Irwin

The first cup is for the guest, the second for enjoyment, the third for the sword.

— Old Arabic Saying

There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.

— Rian Aditia

Deja Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.

— Unknown

Politics now is rather like going into Starbucks for a coffee.

— Rory Bremner

I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.

— Burt Lancaster

I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.

— David Lynch

Coffee in England is just toasted milk.

— Christopher Fry

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

— Eddie Izzard

Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.

— Fran Drescher

COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.

— Unknown

C:>http://COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez.

— Unknown

C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep?

— Unknown

I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.

— Jennifer Lopez

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

— Jean Kerr

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

— Bill Cosby

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

— Steven Wright

When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.

— Helen Hayes

Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid.

— Unknown

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

— Edward Abbey

About Lorenzo

Lorenzo’s quest for the ultimate cup of coffee drives him like a maniac to understand the inner workings of all things related to coffee. This site is the result of those ravings. Enjoy! Follow him on Twitter and Facebook!

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